Tired Soul or Just tired?

When I started this blog back a few years ago I was bound for the ministry. I was in seminary, on the track to becoming an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church, I had my life all planned out, I knew what I was going to do with my life. Or so it seemed. Plans have a funny way of changing. Of course my life looks a lot different than I planned at 18. I never planned to be living in Durant. I never planned to be divorced. I never planned to be in debt up to my eye balls. I planned to already have kids by now. I planned to be living in DC working as a counselor. I didn’t plan to be changing career paths once again. Many people have asked me many questions about why I am leaving the ministry and returning to teaching. I wish there was one simple answer. I wish I could say, “I was mad at God,” or “I was mad at the church,” but the answer isn’t that simple. That answer I think is the easy answer. Yes, I could say that and I think some people would understand, but I think for me it goes deeper than that. For me, I am trying to understand where I fit into the bigger picture. Where is God calling me in my ministry? I enjoy the preaching part, I just don’t enjoy the crafting the sermon part. I love doing the reading for it, but I hate trying to get all the pieces to fall into line. I would much rather be doing something else anything else than sitting down and trying to get the thoughts from my head onto the paper. My soul is tired. There are times when I look inside myself and say can I really tend to the souls of my students anymore?